A eleventh-hour winner of the the title of Worst Thing I Ate In 2017, a Fray Bentos “Classic” Steak And Kidney Pie. Minging or howfing would be the two Scottish descriptors that come to mind. In the interest of human decency I have decided against showing you a cutaway/internal shot.
Fray Bentos “Classic” Steak & Kidney Pie, United Kingdom, Approx £1.00 from almost any grocery/convenience store (425g in a can/tin)
After being reminded recently of my beloved Fray Bentos Steak And Kidney by my friend food-and-wellness writer Olivia Pennelle, I decided that I would revisit/reappraise my old standby once again after a 23 year parting of ways. A recent trip to Scotland over Xmas and Hogmanay (read: New Year) gave me the perfect opportunity to reintroduce myself.
At the supermarket in Giffnock, Glasgow I spotted a stack of them and was immediately shocked at the price, as I am pretty sure that 23 years ago they used to be at least twice that. Perhaps this should have been a clue, Brexit and all that.
When I brought a couple of the canned pies home to my sister’s house where we were staying, her face said it all. Absolute revulsion.
“Why on earth did you buy those?”
“I just wanted to see what they were like! I haven’t had one in 23 years!”
She walked off, out of the kitchen with a look of utter disgust on her face.
“Good Food Revolution you say?… ugh, Jamie… I hope you are taking those home with you, I don’t want that muck in my kitchen” she mumbled as she fled the still sealed pies’ presence, as if just looking at the cans was going to give her the boak (read: make her dry heave).
The plan WAS to take them home, and try them out with some friends, but on New Year’s Eve, around 10.30pm, whilst my sister and family were out at a Hogmanay party, I got a little peckish.
The spicy, tasty bouillabaisse I had made earlier that evening with sea bass, scampi tails, and scallops (replete with roe) apparently hadn’t been quite enough to take me through “the bells” (read: Scottish NYE midnight celebrations) and tide me over until 2018… so I decided to break out the pie covertly.
As it cooked in the hot oven I perused the details on the second tin:
“Succulent pieces of steak and kidney covered in a delicious beef gravy, topped by our signature puff pastry.”
Yum.
So goes the try-hard marketing, but what really lies within this sinister-looking tin that used to be a perennial dinner guest at the table of my youth, university, and beyond and was most usually served alongside a can of baked beans.
The ingredients list: Water, Puff Pastry (27%) (Wheatflour (with Calcium Carbonate, Iron, Niacin, Thiamin), Margarine (Palm Oil, Rapeseed Oil, Water, Salt, Emulsifier (Mono-and Diglycerides of Fatty Acids)), Water, Salt), Beef (12%), Pork Kidney (9%), Stabiliser (Xanthan Gum), Modified Maize Starch, Wheatflour (with Calcium Carbonate, Iron, Niacin, Thiamin), Salt, Spices, Yeast Extract, Flavouring, Tomato Paste, Barley Malt Extract, Beef Extract, Chicory Extract, Sugar, Colour (Plain Caramel), Tomato Powder, Garlic Powder
“Hmmmm… I wonder what this is going to be like” I thought to myself.
I left the kitchen, closing the door, to watch the Scottish Television’s Hogmanay line-up cuddled up with my wife whilst the pie’s contents bubbled and the soggy, anemic pastry puffed up and crisped.
30 minutes later I returned to the kitchen and opened the oven door only to be met with a steam-driven stench that can only be described as akin to that of a very poorly old dog who had involuntarily evacuated his intestinal tract upon the floor, and was now looking up at you with a heartbreakingly sad look of embarrassment.
I wretched, a couple of times actually, but “in for the penny, in for the pound” as they say, and then proceeded to plate my pie of meaty horrors upon some china and then transport it through to the television lounge to show my partner.
Needless to say she was less than impressed.
“That’s simply horrible” she slowly mouthed as my knife broke the pastry and pungent steamy fumes began to fill the room.
“It smells like really cheap dog food… ugh… it looks like really cheap dog food… take it out of here now… NOW! Now it smells like shit. Oh no. It’s beginning to smell up your sister’s room! Jim (my brother-in-law) is NOT going to be happy! GET. IT. OUT.”
Dejected, I took it back to the kitchen and ate it in the dark, savouring each glistening, greasy sliver of mechanically-recovered “beef” and clumsy chunk of urine-marinated pig liver.
I’m obviously a masochist, but I do hate to waste food, if you could actually call this muck “food”.
Never have I wished for an aftertaste to leave my mouth, my innards, MY VERY BEING as much as I did that evening/morning. It hung about within me for hours, seemingly exuding from my skin upon me awakening, haunting me like some twisted decomposing-meat-ghost.
Horrific.
And this, dear readers of Good Food Revolution, is why you should never, ever eat a Fray Bentos Steak And Kidney Pie… even if it is only £1.00
Saying that, I did bring the other one home, so if you’d really like to try this obscenely grotesque imitation of real food, just drop me a line at GFR.
(Zero apples out of possible five)
Edinburgh-born/Toronto-based Sommelier, consultant, writer, judge, and educator Jamie Drummond is the Director of Programs/Editor of Good Food Revolution… And he won’t be revisiting that again. Ever.
Strong writing my friend, I feel your pain and yet it only comes close to that which my compadres and I felt when one of these savage and repugnant shit bombs detonated unexpectedly back in the London docks in ’85.
Apparently the small print makes some mention of removing the lid before heating but hunger can on occasion cause blindness and so was it the case on that awful day when, with a roar that sucked the very breath from our lungs, the door was blown open leaving a fine spray of atomised ‘dead dog’ hanging over our squatted kitchen, the innards of the cooker twisted and bent beyond recognition. Never again could the oven be used save for the hob which from that day forth administered electric shocks to anyone foolhardy enough to attempt to use it. Happy days.
I would never buy a shop bought pie, I make my own, at least I know what is in them,
Zero meat !!!
Huge fan years ago!!
Daylight robbery
I am finished with Fray Bentos.
I bought one in London a few months ago and bought it back to Calgary. It had no meat in it at all. I actually gave most of the gravy to the dog. You get what you pay for is true.
Retched or wretched… really ?!
A fair call! I blame the pie.
A friend of mine is having one for dinner tonight I advised her to bin it And go to the chippy !
It’s disgusting !
I recently went to London and a good friend of mine who was born and raised in London asked if I might bring it home for her. I thought it seriously looked and sounded like one of the most disgusting things ever, but my friend was delighted when I brought it to her. She absolutely savored it and shared pictures of her prepared meal. I’m just so glad I couldn’t smell it. I would not be brave enough to even try it, but it gave her great joy!
Disgusting pie, no meat and tasteless gravy. They used to be tasty but now the pies are nothing like they were five or so years ago, no meat and a big ripoff!
Had a steak fray bentos pie today and now my stomach is buckled over and I am in pain. Has anyone else had a stomach ache after they ate a fray bentos pie? I noticed it was lacking in meat also. Never again!
No surprise reaction from me…..Baxters have now officially entered the pet food market!
Gordon Baxter would never allow his name on a ‘product’ such a this: beef content down to 8%, pork liver at 7%.
Having said that, their traditional soup range seems equally insipid!
Fell for the revisit an old snowed in stalwart at bargain £1 X2. An eloquent and superbly accurate review. This is brand destruction management at it’s best an example to us all.
I’ve unfortunately just been served one said, microwaveable fray bentos steak and kidney pudding (shit in a pot) for a so called change, by my wife. Well to some it up, it smelt like shit, tasted like shit and was the best example of the crap being manfactured under name of convenience food to date.
Luckly my gag response kicked in and I spat it out before the foul contents could do me any serious harm. After this fiendish food experience, I’m now considering the fact that my wife must secretly pine for a devorce or she is trying to cash in on my life insurance.
hi Bad Guts , i agree with you entirely, i bought my last one over 20 yrs ago, and i was bragging away about how lovely they were and full of meat so much to my daughter that she went out and bought me 6 3 steak and kidney and 3 chicken , and my goodness what a shock we got, no meat at all, just thick podgy gravy, not one bit of meat in it at all, i had tummy ache after it and i only had a spoon full of the crap that was supposed to be meat and gravy, i am 72 years old and disabled and it made me ill , FRAY BENTOS YOU AS A LONG RUNNING COMPANY SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES , SELLING MUCK YOU HAVE GONE DOWN HILL BADLY , FROM THE STEAK AND KIDNEY I USED TO LOVE TO NOW A TIN OF MUCK, THE OTHER 5 ARE IN MY BIN, DISAPPOINTED IS AN UNDERSTATMENT… JEAN…
I was about to order 10 tins of Fray Bentos Steak & Kidney pies having just found them on Amazon.ca when I came across the many negative comments, for which I am indeed very grateful. I have so many great memories of these pies from when I was at Med School in Glasgow some 60yrs ago, where they were a frequent food treat. I last was able to purchase them in a local grocery in Nova Scotia in the late 1970’s at which time they were, to my mind at least, still delicious. I can’t understand how they could have changed so much, and not having read even one positive comment I will stay well clear of them. Perhaps they are now being made by Boris Johnson and his Brexit cronies which may account for the terrible taste.
Yip your right ,I did a review yrs ago and no doubt they are no better now
Glad you diddent order 10 .
Yer dug would even refuse to eat them !
Seen the old favourite in a shop along with a pudding, well, i got to say, both pie and pudding are an absolute pile of crap ! If i had a dog, i certainly WOULD NOT feed this shit to it. I can’t believe food standards agency allow this product. FUCKIN DISGUSTING is an understatement.
When i was a kid, one of these pies, chips and a fried egg was lovely. This SHIT has shattered my memories forever.
Please, people out there DO NOT BUY !!. Complete and utter rubbish, 2 steps down from dog food …..
No get it right Dog food is better, at least it contains meat!!
By the way, it smelled worse than shit ! I feel sorry for my dustbin !!
Told you a couple of yrs ago
Is it still not sorted !
Pure shit in a can but i still ate the lot,but thats whot 12 cans of lager and half a bottle of whiskey can make you do lol
Hi just to say that I got some fray bentos steak and kidney pies well how they can call it that I’m not sure. there was one piece of meat in a family pie it’s bad so never buying them again .
Hi, I purchased one of these old favourites of myself and my father, back in the late 60’s, for nostalgic reasons….What a let down! As everyone has commented no meat, dodgy gravy and loads of pastry.
These bad boy are a GR8 Laxitive
It is indeed a sad indictment of our society that someone actually invented that thinking it would be a great idea. Worse yet that people bought it.
If you will eat a pie with kidney in it, what do you expect but the tang of urine? Try again with the chicken and mushroom. Like the steak and kidney you’ll find it four parts flabby pastry to one part filling, but no urine at least.
Ha… yes, but if one has a good steak and kidney pie it doesn’t smell or taste of urine, and I;ve had a few of those!
Not great but not bad, at least the aussie one was edible.
The aussie fray bentos pies, made by campbell soups are ok, pasrt fine, enough meat, stea and kidney. I made gravy did not need it, better than the baxters uk version i paid $7.50, aud.
I am sure 50 odd years ago they werevmade in thecargetine or chile likecthe canned corned beef
I have also purchased these pies over the last 20 years or so and they slowly declined. Recently I tried again and just found gravy, no meat. I reported this directly to Baxters Foods and received an apology plus some vouchers for some more of the rubbish. I noticed a month later they have changed to description on the tin to “33% more meat%, obviously a direct result of my complaint. However 33% more of nothing is just 33% more gravy. The baxters soups are the same, meat content so low as to be unrecognisable. Surely there must be a way of sending all the comments on this site to Baxters?
Ha ha there was more than you complained
I did ages ago
Don’t know if 30 %more will help
Can u let us know?
I would never buy any ready made meals least of all pies, you just don’t know what is in them I make all of my own pies, burgers, and am now looking at how I can make my own sausages too.
During the lockdown these were flying off the shelves. I bought 4 steak and kidney and one beef and onion at a tad more than £1, but not by much. I stacked them nicely in the cupboard along with the rest of my apocalypse stash and they are still there. I suppose tastes become more sophisticated as the years roll on, but some day I will eat them and I will eat them all. I hope that day is not soon.
Jamie! I am delighted with your review! If memory serves, we had these under the name Tipperary in the States.
Road slurry, cow jelly, clots and squats but oh! how I loved them! Puff pastry top was best flipped half way through and doubled crisped. The brown goo held clods of meat in a suspension of shiny gel.
Your description had me barking at the sorry demise of tin pies. A welcome warning that ‘you can never go back’ but truly a shame.
At Yule, nostalgia has super powers and your review provides the kryptonite to leave what’s past behind and shield the more delicate and vulnerable from glistening deceptions and Boris Johnson in the can.
Yes I liked them too when there was meat in them !
The 33% improvement, instigated by a TV chef, made the press earlier this year.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/money/12871262/fray-bentos-pie-recipe-more-meat/
I do like a good steak and kidney pie (which my Dad despised). I even cooked kidneys once (which was more successful than expected).
I thought I’d look into Fray Bentos as an option when I saw a documentary which claimed that the Royals are willing to eat them when travelling. Perhaps the quality has declined since then – maybe because of the palm oil, or maybe too much pork kidney?
What on earth have you done to this poor pie? It looks burned, didn’t know you could burn a FrayBentos, that takes real skill! have been eating these for over 50 years , and all you need is the skill to use a tin opener, and how to use an oven. Well, you got one right LOL Maybe you should let an expert make one for you next time as obviously you just ain’t got the skills buddy!
I remember these as Tyne brand. I would occasionally buy them at Mark’s and Spencer’s in Toronto. I loved these pies. I had the wherewithal to remove the lid before baking. The pastry was light and flakey and the contents yummy. There obviously was a loss in translation when Fray Bentos took over…
Fray Bentos brand is perfectly fine. From the picture it seems your burned it.
Are you a robot?
My sister’s favourite food. Last trip home I’d to leave behind 2 pairs of shoes & a pair of jeans in order to fit all the sweeties & yes, as many tins of Fray Bentos as my case could hold. I’m surprised you found them in GIffnock. That’s where I was looking for them & had to search several shops to get hold of some for her.
“Gie you the boak”…that definitely conjures up images immediately. 😂
They were damn good 50 yrs. ago in Salisbury Rholdesia! They got me through nursing school just the same as Ramen noodle soup is getting the kids through today. They used to have lots of meat and veggies in them and I was truly addicted. Thanks for the warning though, I want to keep my memories in tact. I will cancel my order with Amazon.ca “now now.”
On sale at Costcutter in Swinton at £4 a pop!